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Welcome to our online edition of INTIMACY TODAY. In keeping with our mission
of helping you create healthy, loving, intimate relationships, you'll find
great tips and Web resources for singles, couples and parents, as well as
updates on interesting things in the world of relationships.
ATTENTION MICHIGAN SINGLES! We have THREE great workshops this Fall to help
you create a healthy relationship. Dynamic Dating is a one-day workshop on
Saturday, September 22nd; Learning to Love is a weekend workshop that meets
October 19-21st; and Creating Lifelong Loving Relationships is an eight week
program that starts on Tuesday, September 25th. For more information go to:
http://www.relationship-institute.com/singleresources.cfm
ATTENTION MIDWEST COUPLES! Do something wonderful for your relationship
this Fall! Our effective, enjoyable and enriching program for couples,
PAIRS "Passage to Intimacy", has its Fall workshop on Saturday, September
29th.
FREE introductory preview lecture on the PAIRS workshop this Saturday,
August 25th at 10 am.
Feedback from our last PAIRS workshop: "The presenters are warm,
knowledgeable, humorous and make it very easy to talk." "The tools are very
practical and easy to use." "My husband talked more to me in this one day
than he has in the past two years." More information can be found at:
http://www.relationship-institute.com/pairs.cfm
C O N T E N T S
1. Singles
2. Couples
3. Parents
4. Relationship Institute Events
5. Unsubscribe information
1. S I N G L E S
Web Resources:
a. Want to go on a cruise for singles only? Here's a web site that lists all
sorts of single cruises:
http://www.singlesstop.com/directory/singles_events/
b. A singles' mega-site offering a directory of dating sites and single
sites with personal ads, chat, love, articles, relationships and
matchmaking. The following page offers useful articles to help singles date
in a healthy manner:
http://www.singlesites.com/articlesfs.html
c. Recommended Reading: Take Heart! Stories of Encouragement for Singles,
PLUS 10 Lessons You'll Need to Find Mr. or Ms. Right, by Amy Owens.
This is an inspiring, practical and hopeful book for singles. These detailed
stories of singles' dating demonstrate that people of all backgrounds and
with differing personalities can find loving partners if they address the
issues which keep them from finding the person who is right for them.
Singles' Tip of the Month: Don't Get Seriously Involved with Someone on the
Rebound, by Joe Bavonese, PhD (drjoe@relationship-institute.com)
When you date someone who has recently ended a serious relationship, you are
greatly increasing the odds that you will be hurt down the road. A person on
the rebound is often vulnerable and needy, and can appear more emotionally
open and available than they really are. They may want to commit exclusively
to you very early in the dating process, out of insecurity and fear of being
alone. Moreover, they are going through a process of healing and change that
will typically result in a different set of needs and priorities once they
have gotten some closure on their last relationship. Often this means that
once they feel secure and confident again, they will want to date others and
may not be as committed to you.
This is backed up research. For example, statistics show that when couples
marry within one year of the legal date of either person's divorce, there is
an 80% failure rate in the marriage. That's an astounding high divorce rate,
and shows how emotionally dangerous it is to get seriously involved after a
breakup.
So take your time. If someone looks good, be a support person for them
through their healing. Once they have gotten over their breakup, gradually
test the waters and start dating. In this way a solid, healthy foundation of
friendship will give the relationship a real chance to last.
2. C O U P L E S
Web Resources:
a. The Marriage Toolbox: this site claims to cover the full spectrum of
marriage -- from creating a marriage to maintaining a healthy marriage to
supporting couples who are challenged by the opportunities that a marriage
relationship brings forth. "New approaches, fresh perspectives, uplifting
information and creative solutions." Go to:
http://www.marriagetools.com/
b. The Marriage Matters website offer 23 articles of interest to couples and
parents who want to create healthy relationships. Go to:
http://www.marriagematters.com/
c. Recommended Reading: The Truth About Love: The Highs, the Lows, and How
You Can Make It Last Forever by Pat Love, Ph.D.
Love, a family and marriage therapist and coauthor of Hot Monogamy, here
offers hope to those who feel that the flame of love has gone out. She
explains that all relationships go through predictable patterns and outlines
the four up-and-down stages of love: Infatuation, Post-Rapture, Discovery,
and Connection. She explains how physiological changes account for some of
the intense feelings brought on by initial attraction for example, how
phenylethylamine, dopamine, and norpinephrine combine to create the natural
high new lovers feel that helps them bond. Love goes on to explain that this
heady infatuation stage, glorious as it may be, is not what love is really
about. She explodes myths that can destroy relationships, such as "If my
partner really loved me s/he'd know what I wanted all the time." Other
potential problems, as when a couple has different priorities for their
relationship, are outlined and addressed.
Couples' Tip of the Month: Dealing with Conflict, by Thad Zaremba, ACSW
(thad@relationship-institute.com)
Conflict is inevitable in intimate relationships. Here are some tips on how
to deal with it effectively. First, ask directly for what you want. Too many
unnecessary arguments stem from someone who is unable or unwilling to ask
for what they want. Folks, you'll never get what you don't ask for. Of
course, you won't get everything you ask for either, but you'll feel a whole
lot less resentment when you can discuss it openly with your partner.
Secondly, although it's cliché, learn to listen. If you can't listen to your
partner, it's virtually impossible to come up with a successful resolution
to a problem that is a win-win for both of you. In our recent PAIRS workshop
there was a couple who had had an ongoing argument for seven years, which we
were able to resolve in less than 15 minutes when we helped them to really
hear the problem and follow the PAIRS tools for conflict resolution.
Third, when an argument occurs, shift into solutions mode as quickly as
possible. I'm often amazed at how people who are incredibly resourceful at
work in generating brilliant solutions to problems suddenly become rigid and
fixated on their own self- centered needs when a conflict arises at home.
When conflict arises, as soon as you can, think, "How can we come up with a
solution that works for both of us?" and then brainstorm ideas.
Lastly, maintain a sense of humor. Those of you who know me know that I find
humor in everything, especially myself. Likewise in your relationship, by
fostering an attitude of humor and playfulness with each other, you have a
reservoir of good will to draw upon when the going gets tough.
If all else fails, make an appointment for couples' therapy. Don't wait
until it's too late, because there is a point of detachment which occurs
after prolonged conflict which is very difficult to recover from. Even a few
sessions can help clear the air and often a fresh perspective can quickly
help turn conflicts into solutions.
3. P A R E N T S
Web Resources:
a. Have a child with ADD or ADHD? ADDults is for the discussion of adult
ADD/ADHD related issues and how they affect adults at home, in
relationships, at the workplace etc. While many adults have children and
parenting issues, this list is for adult issues only. Please use addtalk for
parenting and special education concerns. Go to:
http://www.adhdnews.com/
b. For parents with a gifted child, here's a site with useful information on
how to best help your child develop their full potential. Includes articles
and guidance on a range of parenting issues. Go to:
http://www.giftedchildren.cjb.net/
c. Recommended Reading: Positive Discipline A-Z, Revised and Expanded 2nd
Edition: From Toddlers to Teens, 1001 Solutions to Everyday Parenting
Problems, by Jane Nelsen, Lynn Lott, H. Stephen Glenn.
The first edition of Positive Discipline A-Z became a classic child-rearing
text that helped change the way parents and experts feel about discipline.
In this revised and expanded version, child psychologist Jane Nelson
(coauthor of the entire Positive Discipline series) teams up with speaker
and therapist Lynn Lott and H. Stephen Glenn (Raising Self-Reliant
Children). Positive Discipline is based on the theories of child development
expert Rudolf Dreikurs, and uses communication, consistency, and specific
techniques (such as the four-step follow-through method, taking time for
training, giving age-appropriate chores to teach responsibility, and using
positive time-outs in which the child takes some time with a calming
activity) to help children develop the life skills they need to be
"effective, happy, contributing, and respectful members of the family and
society." The first part of the text provides an introduction to the concept
of positive discipline and its tools. The second part of the book is an
alphabetical breakdown of more than 100 child-rearing topics, from addiction
to zits--including cruelty to animals, fairness, laundry, negative children,
pampering, self-esteem, tattling, whining, and much more.
Parents' Tip of the Month: How Do I Know if Homeschooling is For Me?, by
Elizabeth Curran, MSW.
Homeschooling is more popular than ever. Whether you're new to homeschooling
or just curious about it, the idea of teaching your kids at home probably
seems overwhelming. There are so many questions to be answered, decisions to
be made, and new ideas to grasp. The first step to successful homeschooling
is to read (or a least look through) a few good books. Here's a list of the
top five homeschooling books:
The Homeschooling Book of Answers by Linda Dobson. Almost four dozen
homeschooling experts answer just about every question on homeschooling
how-tos.
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Homeschooling by Marsha Ransome. Easy-to-read
text combined with many helpful sidebars and appendixes make this
introductory book a 'must have' for homeschooling families.
Homeschooling: The Early Years: Your Complete Guide to Successfully
Homeschooling the 3- to 8-Year-Old Child by Linda Dobson. The best resource
for providing answers to the unique challenges (and opportunities) of
teaching the very young child at home.
Homeschool Your Child for Free by LauraMaery Gold and Joan M. Zielinski
offers more than 1,200 resources for home education on the Internet and
beyond. Reassuring advice and stories accompany links to amazing educational
sites.
With these books and related web sites, you will be able to make a very
informed decision about whether or not you want to try homeschooling.
4. R E L A T I O N S H I P I N S T I T U T E E V E N T S
a. ATTENTION MICHIGAN SINGLES! We have THREE great workshops this Fall to
help you create a healthy relationship. Dynamic Dating is a one-day workshop
on Saturday, September 22nd; Learning to Love is a weekend workshop that
meets October 19-21st; and Creating Lifelong Loving Relationships is an
eight week program that starts on Tuesday, September 25th.
Feedback from our Spring workshops: "I really loved the support and
accountability to moving forward." "I finally understand why I've kept
attracting the wrong people." "Now I have a roadmap and all the tools I'll
ever need to create a lasting, loving relationship." More information can be
found at:
Dynamic Dating One Day Workshop (Sept. 22nd):
http://www.relationship-institute.com/dynamicdating.cfm
Learning to Love Weekend Workshop (Oct. 19-21):
http://www.relationship-institute.com/learningtolove.cfm
Creating Lifelong Loving Relationships Eight-week workshop (starts Sept.
25th):
http://www.relationship-institute.com/creatinglifelonglovingrelationships.cfm
b. ATTENTION MIDWEST COUPLES! Do something wonderful for your relationship
this Fall! Our effective, enjoyable and enriching program for couples, PAIRS
"Passage to Intimacy", has its Fall workshop on Saturday, September 29th.
FREE introductory preview lecture on the PAIRS workshop this Saturday,
August 25th at 10 am.
Feedback from our last PAIRS workshop: "The presenters are warm,
knowledgeable, humorous and make it very easy to talk." "The tools are very
practical and easy to use." "My husband talked more to me in this one day
than he has in the past five years." More information can be found at:
http://www.relationship-institute.com/pairs.cfm
c. ATTENTION COMPULSIVE OVEREATERS! Learn how to create a healthy
relationship with food and eating this fall in our NEW eight-week workshop,
"HEALING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD: A JOURNEY BACK FROM COMPULSIVE
OVEREATING. Program starts on October 3rd with a FREE introductory lecture
on Wednesday, September 12th at 7 pm. Led by Eve Cribbs, MSW, CSW. For more
information go to:
http://www.relationship-institute.com/healthyeating.cfm
d. Our popular weekly drop-in Friday Singles Solutions Group meets from
7:00 - 8:30 pm. Details can be found at:
http://www.relationship-institute.com/singlessupportgroup.cfm
e. Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) can help resolve many negative
emotions (fears, traumas, anxieties, unhealthy relationship patterns, etc.)
quickly and easily. For more information go to:
http://www.relationship-institute.com/eft.cfm
f. All Relationship Institute events can be seen at:
http://www.relationship-institute.com/CAL_USER_CALENDAR.cfm
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