Interviews

A Closer Look: Featuring Barbara Lemke
By Paul V. Scholl

The purpose of our interviews in Single Again Magazine is to bring to our readers personalities who have passed through many of the same experiences, trials and tribulations that they are now facing. We try to bring forward strong examples of people who have weathered their own personal storms and who have rebuilt their lives through conscious decision making to develop the life and world they desired.

This interview brings to you Barbara Lemke, a woman who, by her own admission, had a very wonderful life living the “picture” of having all the material things and home style many women want. Her difficulty was admitting she was mired in a marriage that was void of the spiritual relationship most important to her. For Barbara the choice was long and hard in leaving it all behind and trusting that what she wanted would someday become real, that inner strength and fulfillment of a truly spiritual life.

Born in Palo Alto in 1955, she primarily has lived in northern California from the San Francisco south bay to Santa Rosa before settling in Danville. Her first marriage came at the age of 19 in 1975, and lasted for sixteen years, ending in divorce in 1991. During those years she managed a printed circuit board manufacturing company she owned with her husband. They had three children, Scott, who is in the active military and Derek and Julia, both of whom live with Barbara now. Just recently, she remarried and her new husband, Steve, also has a son, Nicholas, age seven.

Single Again: Barbara, with the importance of spirituality in your life, how would you describe your religious upbringing?

Barbara: My parents were both catholic, but I really wasn’t raised strictly catholic. There wasn’t a great deal of religious training there. Now, I guess I would describe myself more as a new age Christian.

Single Again: Then how would you describe your life’s philosophy? Is there a particular core set of beliefs and values that you hold dear?

Barbara: I believe in taking time for myself to stay focused on whom I am, giving thanks every day for my family and my friendships, and always being the best I can be for those in my life. I believe in continually educating myself to improve and enhance my understanding and in accepting the challenges life brings me and learning from every challenge. I also believe that whatever happens in this universe truly was meant to happen for a reason.

Single Again: Through this realization, what then became most important for you in your life?

Barbara: Love, and the love of the people around me. I learned that it is not the material things that we have in this life that matter, the car, the house, the boat, but it is how we feel about ourselves and all those we come into contact with that truly matters most.

Single Again: What were the most trying times for you in life, given the career changes, the children and the divorce?

Barbara: Oh, 1990 was definitely the most difficult. That was the year just prior to my asking for and getting my divorce. I remember the constant battle inside, asking myself if this is what I really wanted. I felt broken and deeply injured. My decision would not only affect me, but the lives of my children as well. I just remember praying for help as I felt traumatized by it all. I found answers in those prayers and learned of personal development. Through the growth created by focusing on personal development I gained the strength it took to change my life. When I made the decision to move to Danville I started my life over.

Single Again: During all this was there any one woman who served as an emotional mentor or someone whom you wanted to emulate in creating these changes?

Barbara: There really wasn’t anyone who served as a role model in that sense. My mother though was my best teacher. She taught me so much about life. She taught me how to care and have compassion for people.

Single Again: As you followed through with this process, making the changes to create a new life, were there specific goals you set for your life?

Barbara: I’ve always wanted to create a place where people could just go to get away from it all, relax and heal themselves. I want to create a place to get away from the rat race when you really need to. There was a time when I worked in Capitola in a small coffee shop to see how I liked the business. I thought that might be something I’d like to try someday. I also wanted to try modeling but never got the opportunity.

Single Again: What is it that you most love to do?

Barbara: That’s easy. Spend time with my kids and my best friend, my new husband Steve. I feel such an incredible bond with each of them.

Single Again: There are so many women out there in the world today struggling with the same questions you asked yourself when facing divorce. Is there any advice you could offer them that may help them to make the right decisions?

Barbara: Divorce is very difficult. I am an idealist, I would rather see everyone be happily married! Of course that is not the way it is though. My advice would be to pay attention to your needs first. Remember, that your heart is not the only one hurting, so is your husband’s and those of your children. Try to focus on being peaceful and tell your children daily that they are not the reason their parents are breaking up. Let them know you love them and that you will always be there for them. If the divorce is amicable, the children most likely will be fine. Start taking time for yourself, work out, read, visit with those friends that help you feel good. Don’t associate with those who tend to bring you down. There are also many wonderful books to nourish your soul. Mark Victor Hansen’s “Chicken Soup for the Soul” is great. Learn to love yourself, and when you do, the healing will begin. And most important, be willing to leave your past behind and not let those negative memories destroy your new relationships.

Single Again: Was there ever a time that you wanted to give up?

Barbara: Oh, yes, in 1978 just after taking over the company. It was heavily in debt. We were experiencing the weight of the creditors, suffering from poor quality production, I had just had a new baby boy and we were having the first real difficulty in our marriage. It took a lot of courage that I wasn’t sure I had to literally grab my husband and shake him to get his attention that I was drowning in all of the pressures. I didn’t give up because he came through for me then. The company survived, and so did I, but something had definitely changed in me.

Single Again: If you could do any one thing, just for Barbara, what would that one thing be?

Barbara: Travel the world. There is so much to learn about the world and I want to experience it in my life. I have this innate desire to learn about the people of other countries, their many cultures and to spread a message to those in need. I want to share with others that are in pain or in need from failing relationships that so much of it is about our perceptions that if we could only change our perceptions we could forever change our lives.