Health

Living With Herpes – A Single Mother’s Story
By: Gayla Baer of Antopia.com

Several years ago I learned that my husband was having an extramarital affair. I began working aggressively toward a divorce. Needing to know in my mind and heart that I would be able to provide for our twin boys, then aged 3, and myself. Following three months of bartending, I was prepared to take a stand and I asked my husband to leave. That night, we had a terrible fight, and I suffered physical and emotional abuse.

As soon as my husband had moved out, I made a doctor's appointment to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. The relief that poured over me when I heard that the results were all negative or inactive was overwhelming. I had escaped my marriage with little more than a bruised ego and a bout with cervical dysphasia two years prior. My life would go on and did.

I met a wonderful local man, whom I would date for a year and half, and found myself in a wonderful career as a buyer for a convenience store chain. This was just the antidote for what my emotions needed at that time. My relationship with this man was one that eventually grew intimate. For the next year and half I would live my life as normal because I believed myself to be disease free, battling only recurring urinary tract infections time and time again.

June of 1999 would put an abrupt end to that belief. I awoke one summery June morning and prepared for a fun-filled road adventure to a race being held in Ohio. Being the feminine sort that I am, I used some feminine deodorant products that particular day, as it was going to be sizzling hot. While at the race, I felt pains like none I had never experienced before. At the risk of being too blunt, I felt as if I was urinating razor blades. At the time, I was convinced that I was having an allergic reaction to the products I had used earlier that morning.

First thing Monday morning, I called my doctor and explained the physical symptoms I was experiencing. He prescribed a steroidal cream to alleviate the allergic reaction he believed it to be. Three hours after applying the medication, things worsened drastically. My urinary tract closed off entirely, and even more intense pains were consuming my entire body.

Tuesday morning I phoned my local Planned Parenthood where I was able to be seen right away. I drove to their office only seven miles away, but if felt more like a thousand. Upon examination the physician told me that I had herpes. I sat there in disbelief as I had been tested a couple of years prior and the results were all negative. The only explanation, in my mind, was that I was being cheated on yet again.

As soon as I got my prescription filled and returned home, I found myself searching for answers via the Internet. I needed to know how to stop the pain. I couldn’t care less about the diagnosis at this point; I just wanted the pain to stop. I found a chat room with real people; people who were living with the virus and who truly knew the pain that I was feeling.

As months passed I found myself very active in support chat rooms for others with herpes. By helping those who were newly diagnosed and as afraid as I once was, I found a way to "heal" myself, both mentally and emotionally. My efforts were observed by Anthony Matthews, the founder of Antopia.com, which is the largest and most comprehensive online social resource for people living with herpes, humanpapilloma virus (HPV) and other STDs. In July of 2000 I was asked to join the Antopia team, whose mission and goal is to educate all people affected by STDs and to let them know that it is possible to live a productive and fulfilling life. Antopia is a means to "end the aloneness" that many people with STDs experience. The community helped me to gain the knowledge that I needed to empower myself to take control and live a productive life. Everyday I, and everybody on the Antopia team, try to help others with STDs know that support is readily available, and we help them to become educated and live fulfilled lives.

It is estimated that one in four adults have genital herpes, and that approximately 80% of the entire population has oral herpes (commonly known as "cold sores") which can be transmitted genitally via oral sex. The majority of the sexually active adult population carries HPV (Humanpapilloma Virus) of which there are over 100 strains. Some of the strains cause genital warts and some high risk strains are known to cause cervical, penile, anal and vulvar cancer . Herpes and HPV testing are not a part of standard STD screening, though tests are easily available. To be tested for either virus the patient must request that his or her doctor perform the test. Herpes is not a standard part of neonatal testing administered to women before they give birth. If a woman is experiencing an outbreak at the same time that she delivers her baby, major and serious complications could occur. The complication can be prevented by testing pregnant women.

The most important message that I could give anyone who might be reading is this: realize that you are no less a human being than you were before you were diagnosed with herpes or HPV. You simply have a medical issue which needs attention. Everyone in today's society has issues. Herpes is no different. With proper precautions, herpes can be controlled and you can minimize (though never eliminate) the risk of transmitting to a potential partner. Emotional support and medical knowledge is most important and will help you to make informed decisions affecting your life.

Herpes is unfortunately and unnecessarily stealing the quality of life from many individuals in the form of social stigma and fear. This virus will only become a self proclaimed prison if one allows it to become so. I have chosen, along with the community of which I have become an integral part, to allow herpes to become only one of many defining factors, of who I’ve chosen to be.