10 Relationship "Red Flags" You Shouldn't Ignore
By Kirsti Ekeholm, LPI
1. Will Not Give You Their Home Phone Number
While it is completely understandable that many people do not want to give
out their home number to people they recently met, there is a point in a
relationship, especially when you've become emotionally and/or physically
involved, that having their home number is reasonable to want and request.
Be leery of staying involved with someone who wants to limit your ability to
contact them by only a pager or cell phone.
2. They Never Invite You Over to Their Home
Once you've become involved with someone, it is reasonable to want to see
where, and how, they live. If the person continuously makes excuses why they
do not want to invite you to their home, nor want you to stay there, be
3. Evasiveness About Career, Family, and Background
Do you ever get the feeling that the answers they give you to questions you
ask about them leave you having more questions? Do they seem to get short,
defensive, or change the subject, when you ask? Be leery of this person if
you often feel this way when asking about their job, family, and background.
4. Suddenly Changes Plans
Do you often find your mate canceling plans at the last minute, or little
notice, because something "suddenly" came up with them? While it's
understandable things happen and we have to change our schedules, ask
yourself if this is something they regularly seem to do. When possible, most
honest people try to give advanced notice of having to change plans out of
courtesy and respect for the other person. Consistency is key when
5. Sudden Changes in Appearance
Has your mate recently dramatically changed the way they look or dress? New
wardrobe? New gym membership? Had they ever mentioned to you before about
some things they didn't like and wanted to change about their appearance?
Many times, we discuss changes we want to make with our friends, family, and
mates. Be leery if other "red flags" also exist.
6 . Insists On Meeting At Odd Times and Places
Does your mate only seem to want to make dates during the week and never
weekends? Only in morning for coffee and unavailable after the workday? Only
late hours after most people have gone to sleep? Prefers meeting in private,
or semi-private places? Be leery of a person who insists on this pattern of
7. Often Unreachable
Does it seem that you are usually leaving voice messages at their work or
cell phone? Do several hours, or even days, often pass before they return
your call? Do they rarely call, but rather utilize e-mail as the main
platform of starting and/or continuing a relationship with you and primary
method of corresponding?
8. Haven't Met Their Friends
Have you tried to make plans to go out with their friends? Do they always
have excuses why you can't meet, or why they don't want you to meet, their
friends? Do they seem to be interested in introducing you to their friends?
If you have met their friends, How do they seem to respond to you or act
around you? Do they seem interested in getting to know you? What do they say
about your mate? Let your instincts be a guide here.
9. Hang-Up Calls at Home
Do you live together and often get hang-ups when you answer the phone or on
your answering machine? Is it becoming more regular? Are the hang-ups during
times when your spouse or lover is usually home? Do the hang-ups seem to
decrease or stop when your husband/wife is out of town?
10. Changes in Sexual Relationship
Does your lover seem to have an increased, or decreased, sex drive? Has
their interest in the frequency of sex, sexual positions, or other sexual
patterns with you changed? Consider these questions in conjunction with
other "red flags."
Kirsti Ekeholm, LPI
Ekeholm and Associates, LLC
GA Private Detective Agency Lic # PDC001919