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LOVING CHOICES: AN EXPERIENCE
IN GROWING RELATIONSHIPS
By Dr. Bruce Fisher and Nina Hart
Loving Choices: An Experience In Growing Relationships,
to those who will benefit most from it will be greatly appreciated.
GETTING ON THE SUPERHIGHWAY BETWEEN YOUR HEAD AND YOUR HEART
"Feelings are less important than thoughts."
"Expressing feelings is a sign of weakness."
"Show your feelings, and you'll be hurt, criticized, misunderstood,
or rejected by others."
"It is not masculine for males to discuss feelings."
True? Or are these statements merely illusions we learn about feelings?
"I bought into all those myths," admits Paul, who prided himself
on being very rational and intellectual, never emotional or "out
of control." Paul got a wake-up call when he "lost it"
with his son
for venting anger at a family gathering. "Later I realized I couldn't
deal with his feelings because I was out of touch with my own," Paul
says. "I couldn't truly communicate with him - or anyone - until
I got my head and my heart to work together."
How do you accomplish that when the twelve inches between
your head and your heart seem like the longest foot in the world?
Dr. Bruce Fisher, author of best-selling REBUILDING: WHEN
YOUR RELATIONSHIP ENDS, and Nina Hart know that learning to listen to
the messages inside yourself is the key to bettering communication with
others as well. "In the early 1980s when we began conducting the
Ten-Week Relationship Seminar," Nina explains, "we emphasized
communication between two people. Over time we came to realize that you
can change your life, strengthen your relationships with others, develop
a more profound sense of your identity, and become more balanced internally
and externally if you learn to communicate with yourself first."
Bruce and Nina designed the Self-Encounter, a structured,
time efficient way to talk and listen to yourself. This empowering technique
promotes greater self-awareness as it helps identify individual wants,
needs, intentions, and motivations. "We like to call it a 'paper-therapist'
or a 'self-therapist,' because, once you learn it, your need to see a
therapist is likely to be greatly diminished."
In the new revised edition of their book, LOVING CHOICES:
AN EXPERIENCE IN GROWING RELATIONSHIPS, Bruce and Nina identify the challenges
facing those who'd like to improve their current relationships, get over
their fear of commitment or the pain of past heartbreak, move to a deeper
level of their marriage, and learn how to turn power struggles into growing
pains.
"Relationships are your teachers," they point
out, "helping you learn the lessons you need to learn about yourself
and life. Relationships can be a laboratory for growth, helping you reach
the potential of being the person you choose to be."
But how do you find balance and stability while resolving
inner conflicts and trying to forge healthy relationships with yourself
and others? The answer is to learn to make Loving Choices, life decisions
based on Bruce and Nina's model of the three-legged "learning stool"
of awareness, commitment, and communication.
With LOVING CHOICES as a dynamic workbook for self-discovery,
you can:
-- improve communication skills using "I-messages" instead of
"you-messages"
-- explore your "roots" for early influences on your adult relationships
-- seek your own identity, separate from the expectations of family of
origin and society
-- become aware of internal and external relationship boundaries, empowering
yourself to take ownership and responsibility for your life
-- use your feelings to make good choices rather than being controlled
by them
Each chapter includes a "How Are You Doing?" summary
and check list to gauge your progress. Homework activities that challenge
behaviors learned early in life help you stretch beyond those patterns.
The goal is to apply the communication tools and awareness you've gained
from the book to your relationships with yourself and others.
"Recognize and acknowledge that you are a unique individual,"
advise Bruce and Nina. "Invest in yourself and your personal growth
every day for the rest of your life. That's your Loving Choice."
Bruce Fisher, Ed.D. (1931-1998), an internationally renowned divorce therapist
and author, taught relationships and divorce recovery seminars for over
25 years as founder and director of the Family Relations Learning Center
in Boulder, Colorado. His book, REBUILDING: WHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP ENDS,
has sold 750,000 copies in the U.S. and Canada, and has been translated
into six languages.
Nina Hart is a Ph.D. candidate in psychology and a divorce and relationships educator in Boulder, Colorado. She and Bruce co-led educational seminars on relationships for more than 15 years. Her advice on relationship communication is frequently sought by professionals in the human services.
Buy Now! Loving
Choices: An Experience In Growing Relationships
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