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GETTING APART TOGETHER JOINING TOGETHER TO GO YOUR SEPARATE WAYS
Melanie thought her separation from Mark would put an end
to the friction between them. "Wrong!" she exclaims. "The reality is,
we'll still have to deal with each other (and each other's emotional baggage)
for a long time yet. Any couple calling it quits had better get used to
that!" Whether you're married or living together, breaking up can bog
you down with nasty conflict and vengeful competition. If you have children,
they are highly likely to suffer in the war zone between you. Is it possible
to negotiate -- even collaborate -- on a positive outcome that focuses
on everyone's best interest? "Absolutely," says seasoned family mediator
Martin A. Kranitz, M.A. Drawing on nearly two decades of experience, Kranitz
counsels couples to take control of the decision-making process. "Your
chances of getting the outcome that you think is best for the family are
greater when you have input -- when the two of you talk together, either
between yourselves or in mediation." Once you go to court, he warns, you
are no longer in control. "Ask yourself this question: Do I want someone
who does not know my family or love my children to make decisions about
what will happen in my family?" In GETTING APART TOGETHER: THE COUPLE'S
GUIDE TO A FAIR DIVORCE OR SEPARATION, Kranitz encourages creative alternatives
for improving your working relationship with "the other party." This practical
workbook -- indispensable to mediators and clients alike -- promotes healing
cooperation beginning with sensible ground rules: --Even if you haven't
agreed on everything -- or anything -- in the past, you'll increase your
chances for success by making a commitment to try. --Communicate clearly
with your ex. Brainstorm ideas until you can select an option that is
acceptable to both of you. --Seek the services of a professional mediator
should your discussions become overwhelming. GETTING APART TOGETHER addresses
key areas of concern from co-parenting issues to property and money matters.
Each discussion includes a sampling of solutions, framed as illustrative
scenarios so readers can see what the parties are attempting to accomplish.
The bottom line, says Kranitz, is to resist hostility toward each other
through reasonable discussion. "If you follow the procedures described
here," he assures, "you and your spouse can develop a set of understandings
that will become a workable, useful, and realistic separation agreement."
Martin A. Kranitz, M.A., is director of the National Center for Mediation
Education and the National Institute for Conflict Resolution. Author of
two books on mediation, he has written a column for two national newsletters
on mediation and is one of the very few individuals without a law degree
who has attended the Harvard Law School Mediation Program. A nationally
known presenter, trainer and expert in mediation since 1981, he has been
a frequent radio and TV guest, and has recently been appointed by the
Chief Judge of the Maryland courts to the Maryland Commission on Dispute
Resolution. He maintains a private mediation practice in Annapolis, Maryland.
GETTING APART TOGETHER is available at online and local bookstores nationwide
or directly from Impact Publishers, Inc. at 1-800-246-7228. GETTING APART
TOGETHER: The Couple's Guide to a Fair Divorce or Separation by Martin
A. Kranitz, M.A. 208 pages -- Trade paperback ISBN: 1-886230-21-8 -- $14.95
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