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Relationships and Blackberries
By Mike Domingos
One of my favorite desserts has always been blackberry cobbler.
I love the small town restaurants that make homemade cobbler smothered
with Blue Bell ice cream. This craving for cobbler began the summer my
family moved to the country. There was this little café in town
that was known for this dessert. It was a small slice of heaven but it
was a long walk to get there. We lived on a dirt road about two miles
outside of town. Good exercise, but not an easy walk. Texas summers can
be brutal and the sun will melt the energy within you. You can actually
feel the heat from the road through the soles of your shoes. It is also
a lonely walk. Although there were times I could have held a conversation
with my stomach because the growling was so loud.
Despite the searing heat, it is a picturesque setting with flowers decorating
the sides of the road. As I walked, I began to notice the blackberry bushes
sprinkled among the different plants. The berries were as big as my thumb
and looked ready to burst from the juices within. I could almost taste
the sweetness of biting into them. The berries seemed to grow with my
impatience, as did the distance to that little café. The cobbler
became a far away and unobtainable goal while these berries were within
a few steps.
I was oblivious, however, to what was hidden beneath the leaves of the
bushes. I felt the scratches of thorns as I stepped further away from
the road. With each step there were more thorns and I tried pushing the
bushes away. I was now completely surrounded and my intuition screamed
for me to "get out!" But those berries were just within my grasp.
At this point I could not see where I was stepping and those fire ants
were not very forgiving. I found a tree to lean against and brush the
ants away but failed to notice the poison ivy surrounding the trunk. I
quickly grabbed the berries within reach and followed my path back to
the road.
What a sight! My legs were bleeding; I had welts from the ant bites and
would soon be covered in calamine lotion to combat the poison ivy. As
I opened my hands to examine the prize, I could feel the frustration sinking
in. These were not the berries I had seen from the distance. They were
much smaller and still had the reddish tint from being picked too soon.
The sting of bitterness replaced the sweet taste I had imagined. The growl
of my stomach reminded me of the emptiness that was still there. As I
stood in the middle of the road, my thoughts shifted back to the café.
I had a renewed sense of appreciation and understanding for what went
into that cobbler. Those berries may have looked good but that cobbler
was the best! Only the sweetest berries were chosen, and it was made with
patience and love. I just needed to stay on the road.
Having stood in the midst of thorn bushes, I can see how this applies
to relationships as well. I had been widowed in 1998. After the death
of my wife, I felt the void of being single again. I thought I could fill
that emptiness with another
relationship. Like the berries, relationships had become a distraction.
Disappointments would scrape me with each step away from the road. The
sting of a broken marriage left welts on my heart. Loneliness was like
the poison ivy
irritated when scratched.
As I continue on this journey, I have a renewed sense of appreciation
and
understanding for God’s perspective on relationships. Like the cook
in that
little café’, He only chooses what is best and it is made
with patience and
love. I just need to stay on the road. Once again, it is good exercise
but not
an easy walk. There are days when I feel too tired to continue. I still
feel the
heat from the road. The silence of the house screams of emptiness. Distractions
continue to grow on the side of the road. Lurking within are the thorns,
anthills and poison ivy. Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over
and
over again expecting a different result. Although you may earn a spot
on the
show Fear Factor, nose-diving into a bed of fire ants will not leave you
fulfilled.
Thankfully, there are resources to keep us from doing this. It is through
the local support groups that we realize we are not alone. Support groups
provide the protective environment where we can express our feelings and
learn from the experiences of other people. Together we can turn individual
healing into community healing. We can also find the encouragement to
keep walking. Above all, the people in our lives can help us focus on
the destination rather than the detours.
As a reminder of this destination, I carry a memory of that little café.
I remember
sitting in the corner booth gulping down an ice-cold coke after the long
walk.
The waitress smiled proudly as she delivered a plate of their famous blackberry
cobbler smothered in Blue Bell ice cream. It was a small piece of heaven
and
worth the walk to get there. I look forward to the day when I can share
this
experience with someone. I know that when I do, God will be in the kitchen
smiling.
About the author
Michael Domingos is a writer and speaker on overcoming adversity and
grief. A member of the National Speaker’s Association, his seminars
focus on life after loss and the value of support groups. Michael is the
founder of Griefspeak and has
partnered with other speakers to provide coping with loss conferences.These
conferences are dedicated to helping families with grief while providing
continuing education for professionals. To learn more about these conferences
or Michael’s presentations, please visit www.griefspeaker.com