Paying Attention When Dating as a Single
Parent
By Holly Terzian
It can be really easy to engross yourself in a new relationship. Here
are some things to keep in mind while you explore your new interest and
keep things in perspective at the same time.
1. Know what you want out of a relationship. Not looking for marriage?
You don’t have to mention this on the first date, but if you think
the other person is getting more serious than you would like, it is only
fair to tell them. Likewise, if you are having serious feelings for someone
don’t assume that they want to marry again. This discussion should
come about in the natural course of a relationship, but if it doesn’t,
you must bring it up.
2. You don’t have to divulge everything about yourself right away,
and some things don’t have to be discussed ever. This is about your
comfort zone. If talking about your finances or lack of makes you uncomfortable,
you don’t have to discuss it. If your past relationships are nobody’s
business but yours, you are allowed to keep it that way if you so desire.
We are not children and we all have a past. It is nothing to be ashamed
of as it has helped us become the people we are today. It is your personal
decision on how much of that you want to share with someone else.
3. Don’t be afraid to be honest about your lifestyle. If you get
together with friends every Thursday night, continue doing so. If jogging
on Saturday morning by yourself keeps you sane, go jogging on Saturday
morning. A new relationship should enhance your life, not consume your
life.
4. Pay attention. It is up to you to notice red flags. You are responsible
for calling a spade a spade and not overlooking behavior that is unacceptable.
It doesn’t matter if it is disrespect or possessiveness. If the
behavior crosses your internal line of acceptance you must address it
at once. Waiting until lives are meshed and children are involved is foolish
and irresponsible.
5. Don’t let the new person in your life “move in” too
soon. It is really nice to wake up to someone you have growing feelings
for, but it is wise to curb this until you are both sure you want a long
term relationship. This is especially true if you still have children
at home. Growing up is confusing enough without having your parent’s
new girlfriend or boyfriend of the month at the breakfast table. Waiting
will also give you a better glimpse of what kind of stability and security
your new romantic interest holds. Going to their place can be a nice break
and you can check out how well they take care of themselves.
Remember that your children need you more now that you are pursuing a
new relationship than they did while they were secure in a daily routine
that did not include you going out or a new person coming over for dinner.
Take it slow where they are concerned because we all know that relationships
change over the course of time and if this is going to be a lasting one
there is no hurry to disrupt your children’s lives.