Life Was Fast... And I Went Fishing
By Jan Jaeger
Life was fast. I knew that it was, but didn’t know how to slow the
speed. Work…at work and at home, was never-ending. Husband, children,
responsibility. Most of you know the scenario. You just feel that life
is moving too quickly and don’t know how to put it in slower motion.
Life, as you know it, is centered on him, the children, and the work.
That life came to a sudden halt with just a few words from him. "I’m not in love with you anymore. I want a divorce." Did my heart skip a beat at the sound of the news? No, it felt that it stop beating. Period.
Breathe in, breathe out, I tried to remind myself. If you just get through another hour, everything will be okay. If you just breathe in, breathe out, for another day, maybe tomorrow will be different. There were many days that came and went, each resembling the day before. Tears, fear, hopelessness. Why wasn’t I feeling any better? Why was the depression taking over my life, and slowly sucking the life right out of me? Maybe it was the length of time that we were married. Maybe it was the children’s hurt, as well, that I was carrying too. Maybe it was the future we had promised each other that now would not come true. The outlook for the future looked dismal. I was dealing with depression. Oh, what a tough emotion — the toughest of them all to address.
By the time I realized it, months of my life had passed by. Then I heard about an acquaintance that was getting divorced. We hadn’t seen or spoken to each other very often over the course of twenty years. I felt compelled to give her a call — almost like I was suppose to call (do you ever get that feeling?) She was okay, she assured me. Hers was not a lengthy marriage and she made the decision early to end it before years passed and happiness still eluded her. Somehow she knew what her future was going to hold. The possibility of happiness. I admired her courage and could almost feel her strength through the telephone line that day. She was moving on, with a strong will and a spirit to survive. Where had mine gone? Had it drown in despair or was it floating on the top of my sea of depression, just within arm’s length and I just couldn’t see it?
So, I decided to go fishing. To that riverbank — on the sea of depression. Fishing was going to be my new hobby — and I was going fishing to try to find myself. I embarked on a journey to find my will and spirit, to find out what made me tick, what made me happy and sad and all the feelings in between and most of all, to find life again — one with a slower pace and more meaning within it. One I could call my own. One I could be proud to say I lived.
I called her — again and again. We became friends. Good friends. Then best friends. The very best of friends. I suddenly realized that I had never taken time to have a best friend. I’m so glad I didn’t wait any longer. She had become better than a best friend — she was my fishing partner and helped me to find myself.
She said, "The answers are inside of you…they are inside all of us. Be patient. You will find it." I knew that…. I had always known that. I had just never slowed down long enough to take time for me.
Are you taking time? Have you been fishing lately? Become accustomed to going "fishing" from time to time. Find more out about yourself every day. And give yourself credit, when credit is due. Life is so much better now — now that I have become accustomed to "fishing." It wasn’t about me, anyway…the way this journey began. But it is now. I found me, and along the journey, found a fishing partner to enjoy my new life with.
Enjoy your days…there aren’t many of them in the scheme of things…. and really take time for hobbies, peace of mind, quiet times, friends, family…whatever makes you happy. Slow down…. celebrate the miracle of life. And if you face that heart-stopping depression at any time in your life, take time to remember, others have survived it. You will. I did.