Holi-dating: A Thanksgiving to New Years'
Dating Survival Guide
By Lisa Daily
Stuck in the Snow
Yes, it's that time of year again. Thanksgiving kicks off the annual relationship
freeze which lasts through the New Year. Much like government wage freezes
that leave DMV workers and other civil servants with salaries stuck in
1973, the annual dating freeze cements you for three months in whatever
relationship situation you happen to be in on November 15. Singles and
couples everywhere can feel mid-November bearing down on them like tax
day.
What does it mean? Well, if you're single and dateless, it means you're
probably going it alone for the next few months. Sure, you'll have to
endure 7 or 8 hours of pitying glances and "So, are you seeing anyone?"
at the holiday gathering, but at least it's less agonizing than your Aunt
Leona grilling you in front of grandpa about your sex life, or the new
hottie you met on the Internet last week.
And if you're in a less-than-fab relationship, well, you're pretty much
stuck until the holidays are over. There will be office parties and family
gatherings to attend, and somehow your plans will propel you frenetically
through the season like a goldfish down the toilet bowl. If you start
to feel like you're not going to be able to go the distance, reality will
whack you on the head and you'll realize you don't really want to be known
as the heartless jerk who ruined Christmas. Just the image of your current
steady blubbering into the yams is enough to make anybody hunker down
and endure a few more weeks as a couple (however unpleasant they might
be.) Fortunately, before you know it, the whirlwind will die down and
you'll be whooshed smack-dab into the middle of January.
If it's the thought that counts, what the hell were you thinking?
Assuming you're in a relationship, even a new one, some sort of gift exchange
is generally expected. With a budding romance, however, things are a bit
more complicated, especially for women.
Men are generally terrified of holiday-induced coupledom and freak out
at any sign the woman is trying to use the holiday freeze as a chance
to create permanent status. So, how do you pick a gift that says "I
like you and I'm thoughtful" without sending the message "I
know we just met last week, but I've already started sneaking tampons
into your medicine cabinet"? The key here is to give your guy a gift
that would be suitable to give your boss. Think music, (no John Tesh,
please,) sports stuff, (NOT his-and-her memberships to a gym,) or a new
tie. Whatever you do, don't give your guy part one of a set of ANYTHING.
Otherwise, you might not be around to see his birthday/your two-month
anniversary/groundhog day. Worse still, you might wind up stuck with parts
2-7 of whatever you had in mind for your sadly transparent romantic installment
plan.
Say you're in a long-term relationship, and you're just biding your time
until January. Well, there's nothing that says, "I can't wait to
dump you" like a crappy or impersonal gift. Women who are in it 'till
January will generally try to fake it and will give a gift that is not
overly personal, but also not a clear indication of relationship doom.
Men, however, frequently become affected by short-timer's disease and
end up giving reasonably-priced, gift-wrapped-in-the-shopping-bag, white-elephant-esque
gifts that have been purchased at either the electronics store, or worse,
the Gas-N-Go three blocks from your apartment.
A terrible gift has long been a sign of impending breakup. I've heard
dozens of stories of three and four year relationships that ended bluntly
following a bizarrely bad gift exchange. It wasn't the gift that ended
the relationship, it was merely a sign of things to come.
Of course, a bad gift doesn't always have to mean your paramour is planning
to dump you like last week's spaghetti once January hits. It could just
mean that your sweetie is madly in love with you, but has really horrific
taste -- and you can look forward to many, many years of individually-wrapped-in-cellophane
roses, radio-controlled cars, sausage-of-the-month clubs and green plastic
phones.
Hang in there kids, the thaw is coming soon.
© 2003- 2006 by Lisa Daily. All rights reserved.
Lisa Daily is the author of Stop Getting Dumped!
All you need to know to make men fall madly in love
with you and marry "The One" in 3 years or less. At bookstores
everywhere.
As seen in/on Cosmopolitan, The Washington Post and Hitch: On the Set
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