A Skunk for the Impatient of Heart
Getting Ahead of God in Relationships
By Julie Ferwerda
Racing
ahead of God’s leading for romantic relationships seems harmless
at the time, but it always leaves behind unpleasant permeating problems,
much like running over a skunk in your car. And the stench doesn’t
dissipate quickly. The lingering odor of consequences continues as a reminder
as to why you don’t ever want to collide with black and white stripes
again.
Right after my divorce a few years ago was one of those times. After thirteen
years of being married, I was having a hard time trusting God with my
future. I was apprehensive about being alone and eager for Him to get
something moving in my romantic pursuits. It had already been two months
since my divorce and as far as I was concerned, it was time to get on
with life.
There was one little set-back. Due to the circumstances surrounding my
divorce, God had specifically instructed me through prayer and counsel
to wait until my ex-husband remarried before considering relationships,
to allow for the possibility of reconciliation. Still, the usual rationalizations
played through my mind. But Lord…he's involved with someone.
Besides, I just want a little companionship. I don’t have to become
romantically involved. I would just like to have a friend. That seems
harmless enough.
So…unwilling to be patient and accept divine directions to stay
solo, I started a “friendship” with Tom. In many ways, Tom
was a great catch. He was a committed Christian, very involved in church,
a good dad, athletic, and extremely talented. Oh yeah, and he was rich!
Could money really buy happiness? With all the other things going for
Tom, it couldn’t hurt! Satan’s temptation loomed just like
Monte Hall’s enticement on “Let’s Make a Deal,”
offering me all three doors and the bag.
“Yes, Julie, all these can be yours for the taking. Door #1: a huge
lake home in the mountains; Door #2: a red mustang convertible—I
know you’ve always wanted one; and Door #3: frequent world travel,
your favorite pastime. Anything else you want is already in the bag. All
you have to do is have it your own way and don’t wait for God. What’s
it going to be, I need your answer?”
Oooh, so tempting!
The lifestyle he offered was so tantalizing, that I actually began rationalizing
that God must have brought us together for a future—down the road
of course, when my ex-husband was remarried. Since we lived several hours
away, Tom and I could begin a good relational foundation and then reevaluate
the possibilities in a few months after my ex-husband’s scheduled
wedding. Maybe by then God would be ready to follow my lead and let us
take the next step. I had it all neatly planned out.
Tom had his own set of plans. He wasn’t feeling too friendly. Even
from a distance, Tom’s premature feelings for me inflated like a
helium balloon. His all-too-soon lovey-dovey, possessive behavior left
me feeling like the smothered cat in the Pepe Le Pew cartoon. Pepe, the
love-sick skunk, anticipates his favorite feline’s every move and
is waiting for her around every corner with his aromatic presence and
profuse kisses. The look in her eyes proclaims that only suicide would
be a step up from this stifling acquaintance. Still, with all those “fringe
benefits,” I had to give it a chance. Perhaps in time he would back
off a little, giving me some space to breathe, and we could ride into
the sunset in his red convertible to “happily ever after.”
The ride in his convertible did happen shortly thereafter, but not to
“happily ever after.” Too soon into the relationship, he drove
down to visit me at my parent’s home, against my wishes. Between
Tom’s annoying determination and the conviction of my sin, I was
feeling more cornered and unsettled than ever. Sensing the obvious signs
of turmoil going on in my thoughts, my mom could only nod her understanding
and agreement throughout the weekend as she handed me yet another Kleenex.
My dad, however, was in love with Tom. They shared a common passion for
hunting and fishing, a prerequisite for any potential son-in-law. When
Tom sat forward on the green wingback chair in the living room halfway
into the weekend and stated his intentions, my dad was already won over.
“Mr. Browall, I want to let you know what my plans are concerning
this relationship with your daughter. I think I would make a great husband
for Julie. I certainly have a lot to offer her.” Tom looked as if
he might flex his biceps at any moment to prove it.
“Undoubtedly.” My dad beamed back his approval as he thought
of all the future hunting trips they would take together.
“Anyhow, I love Julie. I’m asking your permission to marry
her. I will take good care of her and provide well for her.”
My mom, true to her sensitive nature, noticed me steaming over on the
couch.
“Maybe we should take more time to think about this. After all,
you have only known each other for a few weeks.”
Excuse me! I hate to intrude in this little private conversation, but
since this is my future too, could I have a say in this? You don’t
win a woman the same way you hunt down an animal. You can’t possibly
love me already. Intense frustrated and frantic thoughts drove me to the
kitchen for a moment of solitude.
Spilling tears into the sink, my heavy heart spoke up. If I had just listened
to God...I wouldn’t be in this terrible mess and I wouldn’t
have to drag Tom through needless pain and rejection. This was my plan,
not God’s. Now I’m more miserable and empty with Tom than
when I was alone.
More than anything, I was now ready to wait for God’s plan for my
life in His timing, no matter what it was or how long it took. I just
wanted peace again. I just wanted to be lonely again. I just wanted to
get rid of the skunk.
That afternoon, when every Kleenex box in the house was empty, I sent
Tom down the road for good in his cute red Mustang—the one thing
about him I did love. Ready to wait on God, I felt so relieved and lightened
in spirit, even—happy. As the car disappeared from sight however,
my dad cried his eyes out on my shoulder.