My Ex-Husband’s Wedding
By Kimberly Ripley
In May, my ex-husband is getting married, again. This will be trip number three down the aisle for this self —proclaimed gift to women. I was wife number one.
Young, uneducated, naïve, I guess the list is endless of the reasons I married him in the first place, and ultimately, of why the marriage failed. We share between us the gift of three beautiful children. The oldest, now nineteen and away at college, a senior, and a freshman in high school, these kids have had the advantage of both parents remaining actively involved in their lives. Although physically living with my husband of ten years and myself, their dad has lived only minutes away. Some people assume that as each child reaches legal age, that the contact between their father and myself will decrease. So far that theory has been disproved.
An interesting relationship has developed in the many years that we have been divorced. During his second marriage, to a nut-case I might add, the situation was tense. A religious fanatic, this woman was certain I was Satan in the flesh. Of course this holier-than-thou attitude rained down on ex-hubby and had him intricately scrutinizing our morals, religious beliefs, and contents of our refrigerator.
Remarried at the time, and for nearly eleven years since, my husband and I tolerated the various stages with which my ex-husband experimented. In addition to the Holy Roller phase, we were privy to his Health Nut mode and his Save the Earth campaign.
During the Health Nut mode, or HNM, our kids would come home complaining of casseroles concocted with who knows what, and speculating that we were feeding them things that would probably kill them by a week from next Tuesday.
Save the Earth, aka STE found the children deeply concerned about the chemicals seeping into their pores from the horrible laundry detergent I used to wash their clothes. If I kept this up, a week from next Tuesday looked like an unnaturally long lifespan!
When wife number two hit the road, we saw a slow, but eventual return to reason. He found his calling as a painter, and became an entrepreneur. His business is quite successful. He stopped scrutinizing the contents of our cupboards and the kids stomachs and realized (even admitted) that my husband and I had done a very good job of parenting. His religious beliefs took on a true spiritual aspect. And he met and made plans to marry a bright, pretty, and very nice young woman.
Do I harbor any leftover feelings of resentment, anger, or hostility? No. What point would that serve? Our children know and for the most part understand that things were different years ago, their dad and I hadn’t a clue about making a relationship work, nor the barest means with which to try. We’ve both made our mistakes, learned from them, made some of them again, learned a little more, and wound up today in successful relationships with wonderful people, and some intelligent, well- adjusted kids.
Do I fear that his third marriage might wreak havoc in our settled lives? Not at all. His fiance has shown, in addition to sensible and complete disdain for wife number two, a sense of self worth, integrity, and respect for the relationship that remains between my ex-husband and I. She understands I pose no threat to their marital bliss and she knows I have no intention of interfering in their lives. She is not out to reinvent motherhood or correct all the faux pas I’ve made. She is not intimidated when circumstances require I engage in lengthy phone conversations with her future husband.
What do the children think? They’re thrilled for their father’s happiness. They are fairly decent judges of character, and think he’s made a good choice. One will be a bridesmaid and the boys will stand up with their father as he takes his new vows. Do I feel sidelined by this role my kids will play, or second fiddle to the excitement of anticipation of this wedding celebration? Heck, no! I don’t have the time or the energy to waste on such trivial nonsense. Besides, I’ll be much too busy planning on what dress to wear and what might be the proper gift to buy. My husband and I checked "chicken" on the response card and happily mailed our reply.