LOVE... INTERNET STYLE!
by 'FYRECAT'
After a fairly traumatic breakup a friend suggested I start trying to
'look around again' to stir up my interest. Well, I can't say I was enthused
about the idea...I wasn't quite 'over it' but I figured if I 'met' a nice
guy
who caught my interest, then maybe things would change a little.
Bear in mind, I had placed 'personals' before, but in a local Irish-
American paper, where I met a now 'ex' boyfriend, who was a nice enough
guy
and with who I shared a few nice times. While that relationship didn't
pan
out, it was not a terrible experience.
Well, I went ahead and placed an ad with one of the online services.
They asked all the relevant information...what was I looking for looks
wise,
age wise, career wise, what did I like to do, did I have kids, did I want
kids, what was I seeking in a person...etc.
I made an effort to answer as truthfully as I could, and I also posed
a pretty nice and recent picture of me. I was very specific in what I
wanted
in some areas...for instance, I requested that the person be single or
divorced. I also requested that they have hair....I prefer guys with hair
to
those without. And I wanted someone no older than 48. I figured anyone
older
than that might not be open to perhaps wanting a child, and though I'm
43, I
still have hopes of having a baby or adopting if the situation was right.
Other than that, I was pretty easy going. I hoped to maybe meet
someone in my home state, or fairly close by, but I wasn't ruling someone
a
bit farther out. I didn't much care about looks, or height, or weight.
I
didn't mind if they had kids, in fact, I liked the idea. I stated in my
ad I
wasn't model thin, and didn't want anyone to expect me to be...I was happy
with who I was/am.
Well, I got responses right away, all right. The first guy was nice
enough, but told me he was married, and that he hoped I'd 'understand'.
As I
had been badly burned by two married men in the past who forgot to mention
they were married til I found out, I told him he might want to check into
either counseling or a divorce lawyer before he checked out the personals
again.
The next few guys seemed ok, and we exchanged information of a general
sort. However, I didn't hear back from them. It shook my ego, especially
after I had 'put myself out there." I began to wonder what about me they
didn't like...was it that I was a counselor, that I wasn't skinny? That
I
shared a home with my mom and sister (in NYC, the land of thousand dollar
rent, this isn't unusual!) I didn't know! My ego was smarting... Then,
I got
a guy who seemed nice, but demanding. I don't give out my phone number
until I
get to know someone well. This guy pleaded and pouted and just about
tantrumed. He told me he couldn't type well, and he hoped I'd 'understand'.
I told him I wanted time to get to know someone over the 'net before talking
to them via the phone. He replied really rudely, and that was the end
of that.
Finally, I got a guy who seemed 'nice'. He was polite, pleasant, and
seemed pretty 'together'. He said he had trouble meeting people because
his
job as a lighting tech caused him to work days and hours many women didn't
want to deal with. I gave this guy my phone #. He was supposed to call
me
when he came into the city and we'd have coffee and talk. That weekend
my
phone never rang and I haven't heard from him since.
What is it with this personal stuff? I don't believe that everyone out
there trying to connect via the personals online is a jerk, but I'm beginning
to wonder. What is going on?
People have told me I'm wasting my time...but I did meet a now ex
fiance online, though, granted not through the personals. Though that
relationship didn't work out, either, I think it had potential to, if
he'd
been all he'd said he was. Still, I did meet someone!
I spoke to a friend, recently, who is, like I, 45 and single. She
admits to having trouble meeting guys, too. Neither of us enjoy bars,
and
though we live in one of the 'greatest cities in the world' we can't seem
to
connect with single men who aren't neurotic, psychotic, or half our age...
The other half of the coin for me has been getting men in their 50s
and 60s, who tell me "I only date women up to the age of 45, because I
enjoy
'younger' women. I tried to suggest to one 61 year old that I set him
up with
a friend, just turned 60. He was horrified. 'She's too old for me!" he
exclaimed. "She probably has wrinkles!"
Ugh. I blocked him off my email list.
So I sit here, and I am still aching over my long lost lover. I am
doing what is now fashionably termed as 'taking care of me." That means
I'm
trying to eat right, exercise, indulge myself in my favorite Starbucks
frappicino occasionally, and concentrate on what I enjoy doing. But it
hurts
sometimes.
Still, as AOL tells me 'You've got mail! I figure there is always
hope.....
Debra A. Hoffmann who writes under the name of FYRECAT is a freelance
writer
who makes her living as a counselor in New York City, where she lives
with
her 5 cats. When not stalking the cyber jungle in search of single men,
she
enjoys writing, reading, collecting crystals and stones, and walking by
the
ocean. And of course, the Frappichino at Starbucks....