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Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 18, 2000
By Wayne and Tamara Mitchell
Woe Is Me
I was in a five year relationship with my brother-in-law's sister, and
she left me for someone else. Over the years, I built so many dreams with
her I still can't accept what happened.
Then I met this gal who was my office colleague. She is beautiful, intelligent,
full of energy, and a great sincere friend. She made me forget my worries
and made me laugh. I was attracted to her and she was attracted to me,
but neither of us confessed our feelings until she accepted a great job
offer in another country.
When her plans came through, I just about went crazy. She had two weeks
to gather her things and leave. We spent time together as though there
was no tomorrow, and I was at the airport to send her off. When she hugged
me to say goodbye, she said "I love you" and walked through
the gates to board the plane, taking my heart and soul with her.
We keep in touch by phone and e-mail almost every day. I missed her so
much I went to see her for two weeks. During that time, we talked a lot.
She wants to make me her life partner. Though I love her with all my heart,
I have not healed from my wound. I don't think I ever will.
When I see my ex-girlfriend at family gatherings, I know I am hurting
myself hoping for something which will never happen. I am also hurting
the girl who loves me so much. My uncertainty is ruining her. She is changing
from a happy, confident girl to a sad, lonely girl in a foreign land.
Help me please.
Wes
Wes, I once heard a man say, in a radio interview, he had a good life
until his wife left him. When the interviewer asked him how long ago that
was, he said, "Thirty-five years." How long do you want to spend
languishing over this dead relationship? Your entire life?
Life is desperately simple, but we have a talent for complicating the
obvious. The amoeba, a one cell organism, has a lesson for all of us.
It moves toward and embraces what is positive. It moves away from the
negative. You are like an amoeba fascinated by what it can never have.
When you talk about your brother-in-law's sister, I sense emptiness and
negativity. When you speak of this new woman, you speak with life, vitality,
and passion. We don't know if she is the right one for you. We do know
you need to move forward, embracing the positive.
Now you are like the carrier of a virus. A negative virus has infected
you, and you are spreading it to others. When you make choices based on
positives, things may or may not work out. Either way you will have no
regrets.
Wayne
Title
An Unwelcome Addition
I have been living with what I thought was the man of my dreams. Lately
we have spent time apart, and it has given me time to think about our
relationship. He wants me to have breast implants, because he loves large
breasts. I feel he doesn't accept me for who I am.
We had a heated discussion about our future and wrote out our goals. His
goals involve him, him, and more him. My goals involve us. Why do I feel
getting out would be better for me in the long run?
Madeleine
Madeleine, do we need to go any further than this? His goals involve only
himself. He is the one who loves large breasts. Let him pay for them,
let him go under the knife, let him carry them around the rest of his
life.
Breast augmentation is a serious undertaking. You don't do this as a reaction
to anyone else, or to satisfy anyone else. Why do you want out? Because
you don't want this.
Tamara
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell are the authors of YOUR OTHER
HALF (www.YourOtherHalf.com).
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or
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